being yourself

is the hardest thing to do. because, it might makes ppl hate you, gossiping abt you and etc.
being ownself, is the most selfish thing one could ever do, i think.
selfish is human instict i think.
is it only me that being a pessimistic about human being and have no hopes upon them, even to myself ?
when you expose urself truely to someone, do they appreciate you being honest, or they would only focus on the ugly side you've shown ?
and that's the hardest thing on earth when dealing with people.
because they simply don't think like you do.
so, nvm :) why bother ?
just being sweet and they whole world would like you.
just being weak and the world would protect you.
just being quiet and people would not have anything to talk abt you.
so why bother being yourself ?
it's something that makes you look ugly.
oh well... mayb just after a while of pretending, you manage to convinve yourself that u r one person like that?
then it's not pretending anymore?
wtf i think i chi sin edi.
hmm ....... yeah, just start with laughing with hand covering mouth wtf.

untittled

so all the while, i'm not that type of person who would blog abt what i've been through the whole day etc etc etc.
e.g. OH today i went shopping with tha boifriend, and we held hands lor, then we sweet sweet lo, then suddenly OH MY GOD the prettiest pieve of top juz popep in front of me, i was giddy of the beautiful design and you just won't believe how well it fitted on me wtf.
ohhhh.... i need to save money, so i told tha boyfriend, no i was not suppose to buy it, then my boyfriend hor, so sweet insisted i should buy, so i was convinced, at the cashier there hor, he took out his wallet and flipped out his credit card, OH MY GOD, it's a black card wtf. but i said i had to pay myself, but he just didn't let me.
aww i have the best boifriend in the whole wide world.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
this is enough for me to slap myself edi.
i'm so freaking siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
i should just go kill myself.
ok so i hav been thinking why ar i don't blog about all these, mayb i think it's not memorable ? oh on a second thought, no i don't think so.
mayb i just duno how to blog abt this thing, and sometimes i might have trigger different response from dfferent ppl, they may think i'm solely showing off if i blog abt my shopping day wtf. or others might think i'm a pathetic spoiled slut who only live for shopping.
ok ok i admit, i just don't have something special to blog abt.
my life is not happening at all :(
i've wasted good 2 months doing nth. mayb i'm afraid to face whatever that i should go and deal with it. sigh. i'm a coward. bastard.

a thick skin post.

ok la i'm ASSUMING the one you talked abt is me ok hehe.
1st wai wat point, i dun rmb when do/did i ever treated you as a joker.
and that hurt me too. i've always be sincere to you, be real to you.
and for that you claimed that i treated you as a joker.
i have not treated you right ?
yeap, so i freaking scare of the dog, but still screaming yelling but go in that door for wat ?
i don't understand also.
everyone has their bad sides one ma, not like everyone is perfect also. so if i can stand you but you cannot, den aiyooo ... ur lost wtf hahahahah. ok ok sorry, serious cannot hahaha one.
So, did my "hahahahha" make ppl feel like i treated them a joker ?
sigh .... duno ler, nv listed what have i done also, mayb i perasan.
for so many times when there is unhappy thing happened, duno who was the one who took the 1st step, took the courage to talk abt the things. for wat i've rmb, majority it was I la ha, if i din rmb wrongly wtf. from the friendster LONG LONG msg, to face to face apologies...
at least i apologised ma... hor, sincerely one. at least i din pretend lik nth happen but den secretly angry and acted cool wtf.
at least i din hide. i think u're not right den i say la. den if i think i wrong i apologise la.
but den again, yea, everyone has different characteristic lo, mayb it's not you to apologise to ppl.
right right. but den when i apologise with "hahahha" doesn't mean i treated you as joker ma
i got ego also one, but den i have to surpressed it, so i use "hahahha" to ease my gan zeong-ness lor.
all the while i think, i'm older, i should take care of you, i don't know y also, but you r one smart girl, there is nth much for me to worry abt u.
i don't know lor, but after all the days that we have known each other, how i have treated you, good and bad, and den now u said u pretend to be listening to me. that's the hardest thing i've heard. just like if william said "i don't love you anymore" wtf !!! wanna cry edi.
hmmm, if you feel lik that den just forget abt it la.
let's just be friends lor.
it's ok, bearing ppl's secret is difficult also. it's ok for you to let it to someone else :)
knowing me 3 years, u know i fucking hate ppl pretending in front of me.
i don't wanna hate you. so you don't have to pretend that you're listening.
you take one step back.
i won't force you one.
ok la, conclusion is.
i can never be good friends with female izit ? wtf. ok so girls out there, say hi to me and i will say bye to you ok ?

ok, looking at this whole case from another point of view (childishly):
i just jokingly ask you to take cab den you angry and dun wan friend me edi la
den it's true ma, date vm got car, date me don't have, i nv lie also wtf.
so now u got car den dun wan me edi la wtf.
oh oh, den i edi told u i'm ok, sincerely offer to send u
u don't wan, den acted damn cool also (as in not lik ur usual way la)
not lik i'm gonna beg you to get in my car ma right ? or u really want it wtf?
erm.... ok la sorry, i abit confused wit myself edi.

eh eh ok, so if it's not me, den i replyon behalf of your friend la wtf
HAHAHAHAHHAA...
eh ok ok i'm not suppose to hahaha.
eh, sincere post.
it's 1.46 am now ok.
yea........ so y did i post it here a?
oh yea, scare u fall aslept edi, u know u will still answer phone even u're asleep, and den let ppl disturb u one. dun wan la i pai seh.
den, err... i think i dun feel lik talking to you face to face la abt this matter.
mayb it will be easier for you. to talk all things out.
oh ok, this post i damn careful wtf. 1st time double checked wat i wrote.
ok ok 2 am edi !!! yawn ~~

hello bloggie

sigh, dear blog, your existance is so insignificant.
so uninteresting.
so boring.

it's 4 am !!!! i can't beleive i can stay awake longer during holidays.
sigh, y i do not have this kinda stamina when i was suppose to burn for the exams huh y oh y ar
i'm sucha failure ok.
ok talking abt me, i'm a sucker. total sucker, i think i will never do what i have planned. or wanted to.
eg. yea part time job for this blerdy long holidays.
i spent time playing wii, online for nothing, eating like food is free, and then i duno. probably day dreaming unconciously.

ok, so i'm a sucker.
i can't sleep, i have nothing to do.
my life is so boring until suspected depression wtf. aww !!!!! so sad wei belle.
i'm noting this down, so for the next 10 years i can see if still pathetic or not.
ok i'm running out of the points now, wat am i saying again ?
i duno !!!
i'm crapping !!!!!!!!! ok this is gonna be a rubbish post.
well ..... right, erm.... ok phasionology seems to do well now. from the purchasers' point of view, our clothes are safe, nth too trendy too weird, just nice. hehehehhheheh. it's so funny it's like v r shopping for ourselves whenever v restock. fun !! shop and buy den others pay you back, with extra tips whahahhaha muacks, love you ppl ! visit more ok
duno how to do the link but: phasionology.blogspot.com

Michelle is the bomb baby !!!!! she is by far the most artistic person i've ever met.
literally artistic and PRODUCE beautiful stuffs, not like forcing ppl to say their thing nice dat kinda geng you know.....
oh there is something i wanna blog about, rmb cindy the MDG, i used to like hate her so much becz i think she was like damn fake and xiao jie. like someone i know.
but den after i read her blog, well, i think i begin to change my mind, hmmm duno if it's being convinced or wat la...
everyone sure has their bitchy side, evil side. agree.
it just depends on how you wanna reveal it, whom you wanna kena.
and the capacity of ablity to be bombarded by all the comments from ppl around.
both that you know and you don't know.
all the while i think i'm brave enough to voice out wat i think, but guess it's not like that afterall.
in this blerdy real world, you would have to conceal your words ..........
and being 2 faces.
if that makes everyone happy, y not ?
i don't know.... i'm really shocked at what i think sometimes.
life is so difficult.
dealing with ppl .... the hardest maybe ?
oh no, mayb it's raising the child wtf.
that would be another topic to talk abt.

for now, i really hate kids.
like a lot.
they are. freaking. annoying.
the end.
oh ok not yet, and then i start to ponder, am i the bad person afterall, i stand for wat i think it's right, and stand up for ppl whom i think they are right, voice out for them, but in the end, others would think i'm mainly responsible for it, because i voiced wtf.
and when ppl started blaming, those that i stand for suddenly become neutral.
then i'm all alone, like i were the only one being furious from the beginning.
so, y being stupid.
just shut the fuck up and be a puppy belle, puppy is no harmful, go wit watery eyes, so even if you bite some John Stuarts shoes they won't ask for compensation also.
because, puppy is no harmful.
not purposely one, just teeth itchy. nth. puppy ma adorable fuck.
wa y suddenly i'm so aggressive.
ok i should not, i'm a puppy.
say no evil !!! *no evil*

i am beautiful

i wish.

fuhlamak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y is my holiday lik this one.
make me feel so freaking feel lik a piece of shit. useless. worthless.
y am i so negative lik this.
i am becoming so random.
and i'm so worry that this might interfere with my acedemic performance already

SO how does this this theory apply
oh then maybe i would answer by saying that "when i've become more beautiful then i will have answer to this"
ok now i don't know how did i get to this point.

i'm so bored.
boifriend's sick
den i have no life already ?! WTF Y AM I SO SAD
i think i sort of have the idea of y am i behaving lis this
i'm so traditional, i am so lik my mom
u see, when my mom married to my Mr. Chia and become Mrs.Chia at the most beautiful age of 21 oh wait mayb only 20 because it hadn't passed her birthday yet
YER SO YOUNG !!!!!
she stopped working and then hav to stay home and become a housewife awwwww
and den she had babies
so her whole life is juz lik dat
besides her father, her 2 brothers, her son, and den now william
i think she hasn't been really interact with other guys
HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
wtf mom i'm sorry did i make you sound gay
oh yea mayb some random men in market when she needs to buy things from them wtf

so i've restricted myself
and my situation is becoming worse
when you scoped down your friends circle
your scope is narrowed
and then you tend to think like a woman which is so bad to an undescripted stage.
i don't think i rely much on my bf
but i jz let him take control of everything
watever it is, i'm responsible to all of it !!!!!!!!!!
awww .... i'm sucha failure, but i can't help it

it's juz lik, when the bf sick, i would think it's so bad if i still hang out with friends or somethign
and it's nearly impossible to go out wit other guys
because den it's not loyal to him WTF AHAHAHAHAHAHHA i should be hung to death !!!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHA WTF WTF WTF I CANNOT BELIEVE WAT I JUZ TYPED
Y AM I SO OLD FASHION LIKE AN AH MA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahhahahahhahahaha
ok i shall not continue ashame myself here
i think afterall i'm juz lazy to ask somone out.

ok tmr is the day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
waited for one good week

i'm so sian

so fucking sian that i wanna throw tantrum at everyone

i should get a part time job.

a note for my special someone: i feel lik i've spend my half life waiting for you.
and you spend your whole life having fun like a kid.

why am i becoming so shallow and vulgar.... hate to admit, but yea more stupid too

it's all chaos out there, advise is not to go KL
block and jamming everywhere
because of the politics scaldals
Malaysia, is a blessed country, free of almost all kind of natural disaster despite the unfortune tsunami and all.
but why the politicans wanna make things so ugly
and fuck them all they said just so don't make sense at all
i'm not specifying anyone unless you wanna admit and yea HANDCUFF ME fuck you
so annoying lor.
stop playing with the anal game la.
even if he did so wat !
you scare he will play your backside so catch him b4 he does izit wtf damn annoying

there were so many break in cases happen in my neighbourhood
broke into the house and stole good car at dark night.
it's locked gates mind u.
damn scary ok.
only few houses away from mine. scared.
and you don't wanna knoe how near the police station is
less than one minute drive.
wtf
HELLO POLICE
you have something better to do

hmm

it's so difficult
i duno wat are we waiting for
everyone is so busy
and it seems like none can work when not all ppl are here
mayb i'm not used to waiting

everyone has different thinking
different priority
different characteristic
haven started, but i'm getting less and less passionate already
might be tired of waiting i don't know.
hope things will get better when everyone gets involve.